What is a submissive?
A person in BDSM who craves to relinquish control in a consensual power dynamic.
What are the benefits of being a submissive?
I can’t answer for everyone, but for me I hate making my own decisions. I spend Monday to Friday being ‘the boss‘. Making decisions and being a person people look to for answers. I love the feeling of being able to shed that part of me, letting someone else take full control. I adore the thrill of being dominated. To let all of my worries melt away the moment I step into the dynamic.
Is it safe?
This is a tough question for me to answer, while I would argue that yes it is safe, there are some people out there who do take advantage of the dynamic. When you step into a power dynamic, a conversation will have been had prior to that. Communication is the most important thing in these relationships. You would have discussed hard limits, soft limits, triggers, safe words, and actions before even considering this type of relationship. This conversation will help you understand whether or not you are a great fit for each other whilst also creating ground rules. I think if done properly, this can become the most healthy relationship you’ve been in, mainly because you can talk openly and freely with each other without fear of judgement.
Is it for everyone?
No. Not everyone will enjoy this sort of dynamic, and that is fine!
‘I don’t want to be controlled all of the time, but I would enjoy it in the bedroom.’
Amazing! You can have your cake and eat it too in this case. You can be a submissive in private and be in a ‘normal’ relationship out in the world. You can also have a ‘TPE’ (Total power exchange) relationship where you are always in that dynamic, inside and outside of the bedroom. This all depends on what your preferences are. Again, clear communication between you and your partner will help you decide what you would like.
There are so many acronyms in the BDSM world, what do they mean?
Tell me about it, I’m still learning myself but here are some I have come to know so far:
RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink
DS – Dominance & Submission
BD – Bondage & Disipline
SM – Sadism & Masochism
TPE – Total Power Exchange
NSA – No Strings Attached
SSC – Safe, Sane & Consensual
I want to explore being a Dom/Domme, or a submissive… how do I do that?
Honestly, I’m still working out the best way for people to get into this lifestyle and to explore more openly. For me, I downloaded a dating app for people in the BDSM community. It was hard to tell who was an actual ‘Dom‘ and who just wears the badge because they like to be bossy in the bedroom. There are also lots of events in London for the BDSM community. I will report back when I finally attend one!
It is important to understand that I am VERY new to this. My answers only come from my own experience so please do not take my word as gospel. I’m sure over time my answers may change as my experience grows.
Please do your own research, do not treat this blog as research and stay safe!
Thirty, Flirty, and So F*cked! 